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Personally, I have had breakups where I pretty much went cold. I wanted her to be OK, I wanted good things for her in life, but I knew that nothing was going to make the situation better.No discussion was going to fix things, no clarity was to be had – it would have just been an emotional toilet for both of us.To dispel the misconceptions, let’s take a look at some of the universal truths about guys and breakups – some of which may surprise you since they certainly are hidden from the surface. Simple enough to say, but I know plenty of women will talk about how some guy came off like an insensitive jackass after the relationship fell apart because of his actions post-breakup.The fact is: If a guy is profoundly obnoxious or terrible after a breakup, it is most often a testament to how rough the breakup was on him. MORE: 5 Things Every Girl Needs to Know About Guys Jerry Seinfeld once said that breaking up a relationship needs to be like taking off a Band-aid – One motion: OFF!I realize it probably came off jerky, but when I cut off communication, my heart is in the right place.(Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a monster, I won’t completely cut a girl off, but I definitely won’t discuss anything along a relationship conversational thread.) MORE: 9 Undeniable Signs Your Ex Has Moved on and It’s Really Over This could be for a few reasons.It’s painful because it’s a belief that something that is impossible is could be possible…
So as an easy way to “numb out” from what might seem like unending suffering, they jump into another relationship so they can continue feeding their sense of well-being.
Unfortunately, it’s a false sense of well-being and is entirely dependent on the actions of others (thus the inevitable crippling neediness).
MORE: 12 Guaranteed Signs You Can Get Your Ex Back For men and women, growth in relationship is in direct proportion to one’s sense of emotional responsibility.
In the case where you dumped the guy, one common reason is that the guy doesn’t want to be alone, he doesn’t want to deal with his grief over the breakup, and he doesn’t want to “deal with himself.” When he jumps into another relationship, he can get a dose of external female validation and derive a feeling of false sense of self-esteem and self-worth from her positive attention.
It has its cost though and eventually devolves into a crippling neediness.
For people that haven’t yet fully realized that all of us need to be emotionally responsible (which is most people), this is where much of the pain of the breakup originates from (they blame themselves for not “measuring up”…