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He says this would be best, since my hooking up triggers him. But they were cuckold couples, GMHC, and the half who didn't "get to" hook up with others didn't want to hook up with others.
The cuck half of a cuckold couple gets off on their partner "cheating" on them.
I agreed to a monogamous relationship, and I've gone a year without hooking up with anyone else.
He seemed genuinely relieved and said he felt more secure.
The first step toward holding yourself accountable for your appalling actions—a close friend of your wife? Or maybe the wrongness and the self-loathing—the whole bad-boy-on-the-rack routine—turn you on.
Or maybe you're the wrong kind of sadist: the un-self-aware emotional sadist.
You say you love your wife, but you also say she'd be crushed—destroyed—if she discovered what you've been doing.
I'm a liar, a cheat, a user, and a manipulator—and it just keeps happening. You turned them into affairs by continuing to show up. Zooming out: If all it takes for some rando to get her hands on your otherwise committed cock is to DM you on Instagram, you have no business making monogamous commitments.
And while you claim that each of these women pursued you despite knowing you were in an exclusive relationship, it doesn't sound like you ran from any of them. " as if the universe were conspiring against you somehow. If you'd sought out a partner who wanted an open relationship—a wide-open one—you could have had concurrent, committed, nonexclusive relationships and avoided being "a liar, a cheat, a user," etc.
The tragedy is how unnecessary your choices have been.